A small update for a while

It’s been a while since I last posted anything here. My life has been settling down to normal so there’s not much to say.

Healing has been going nicely. I’m now around 6 months post-op and dilate just once a day using the dynamic dilation. I still get some blood come out after dilation but not really any bleeding. Nothing serious though. Pains are mostly gone or at least I haven’t had to think about them lately. I think it took until month 5 before the pains went away. Dilating is still quite painful though but I don’t expect that to change for a while if at all. The cosmetic appearance still looks good, I don’t think there’s going to be any need for revisions.

One thing I have noticed is that the jelly-style lubricants that I got from Thailand are horrible at this point for dilation. I don’t know if they’ve gone bad (should be good until 2011) or whether something has changed in there but nowadays liquid lubricants seem to be the way to go. They’re a bit more messy though. Heh.. I have tried so many different lubricants that I could probably write a book comparing all the different ones x)

I mentioned earlier about planning to get the breast augmentation done. I decided that Dr. Suporn was the best choice and scheduled my ba for this year’s November So I’ll then also be able to get some 1 year post-op check done there at the same time I think. It’ll be very nice to see everyone again although I’ve been staying in touch with at least Bow through Facebook. This time the stay in Thailand will probably be a lot nicer as I may be able to move a bit better and actually do something else than sit in the clinic or in the hotel all day long not to mention that I already know most of the clinic staff and some of the hospital nurses.

But yea summer is coming once again… of course right away when I finally got myself knee-length boots ohwell there’ll be another winter eventually. I really hope it’ll be a warm summer, and that I can have some time to just enjoy the outdoors. We’ll see about that. Anyways, I probably won’t be writing here for quite some time now unless something special comes up which I very much doubt. So have a great summer

Home again

I finally got home from Thailand last friday. The length of the trip got increased by 2 weeks because the airport was closed (due to PAD demonstrators). Not a bad thing at all. I really enjoyed the extra weeks I got to spend in the warm and nice country.

The recovery has been going quite well except I have more pains than I had 2 weeks ago. This is normal. According to Dr. Suporn, the 2nd and 3rd months are the hardest. Also I got slightly more bleeding after the return flight thanks to swelling. It has gone almost back to normal already though.

I’ve had to use the so called dynamic dilation for the past 3-4 weeks. It’s a different technique from the common static dilation where one just sticks the dilator inside and keeps it there for an hour or so. In the dynamic dilation, the dilator is first pushed to max depth. Then pushed in as hard as one can tolerate for 10-15 seconds, then rotated around for 10-15 sec… and this is repeated for 15 minutes. This technique supposedly helps keep the depth a lot better than the static dilation method. However, I’m not sure if it’d work with any other SRS result than Dr. Suporn’s. But yea… dynamic dilation is painful. Definately not 1 hour of time to relax but 15-20 minutes of torture.

The trip to Thailand was… well probably the best trip I’ve ever had and not just because of the surgery. The country and people in there are just wonderful. Everyone is smiling, polite and mostly nice. The clinic staff were also very nice. I’ll miss them all greatly… especially Bow, Wi and Jib.

I am quite positive that I’ll get the breast augmentation done in Thailand as well. During the trip I managed to meet several girls who had ba done there and the result was quite good. Especially since the other alternative would be to get them done in Finland… double price and a lot less experience (maybe less than 1 trans patient every year).

Anyways everything is fine now but I’m quite tired and busy getting back to the ‘real life’. This means that I probably won’t be writing this blog for a while.

Another recovery update

So the surgery went fine and I got back to hotel after 7 days in the hospital. I’ve been at the hotel for some 5 days now and am recovering quite nicely. Not in too much pain either. The dilation started at day 7 after surgery and has to be done twice a day for one hour which is kinda annoying though.

Few days ago the clinic organized a trip to Dr. Suporn Clinic’s beach house which… well it was huge. A huge ocean resort with a pool, private beach, thai massaging and lots of space for sun bathing. It was really refreshing to get out and some air after having been locked inside for so long.

Yesterday I also finally managed to make a small walk around the hotel, to the clinic and then to the nearest 7 eleven-shop to buy some Pocky (snacks) and chocolate. Very good for recovery So far I’ve met some of the other patients although haven’t gotten too friendly with them yet. I guess after being so anti-social for all these years, it takes a while for me to make new friends. We’ll see.

Now it’s weekend and everything here is closed which means that I’m mostly idling in my room, watching some anime or Stargate Atlantis and listening to music. Also managed to go to the hotel’s terrace for a while. There’s a nice not-too-hot breeze out there which makes it very nice outside.

I guess next week I’ll try to make a walk to one of the local department stores that sells lots of nice clothes and has a Hello Kitty-shop. I so want to get some giant fluffed Hello Kitty toy from there. Also I love Asian clothes so I’m sure I’ll be buying some dresses.

Before I leave, I’ll also have to stock up on Pockys as they don’t really sell those in Finland.

While I’ve been recovering here, there was lots of noise in Finnish media about a priest coming out as transsexual and most likely going to lose her job. There has been some web polls about it made and it seems that the majority of the voters seem to say that she should be fired. This really made me wonder… do I really live in a country like that? I thought there were lots of accepting people because I’ve never experienced any problems… or is it only because I’m in stealth and pass well enough? Whatever the outcome, our country has laws protecting transsexuals so we’ll see how this ends up… will the church be allowed not to follow the laws…

Surgery update

Oki surgery was on 4th and went supposedly quite well. Yesterday i was too busy to write anything here though. So now I’m recovering at the hotel…umm hospital The room is bigger than the rooms in Mercure hotel.

Yesterday was kinda painful but today has been nicer. Although I did have some bleeding last night. According to Dr. Suporn it wasn’t anything serious. The pain feels mostly in my butthole… which is strange… maybe it’s the catheter

So yea, all is fine for now

And off we go

By the time you’re reading this message, I’ll be on my way to Thailand.

I was first going to just post most of these journal entries to the finnish forum, puuteri.org but obviously some of the admins there snapped at someone or something and closed the forum down. So I guess I’ll be blogging it here instead. Might be the better choice anyways.

So the journey finally began. I must say I’m scared to death and very nervous. I guess being scared about big surgeries is just normal though.

Anyways, according to the instructions I was given, I should be meeting 1 or 2 people at the airport and then be taken to the Hotel Mercure in Chon Buri. I’m kinda worried about this as a friend of mine who went to another surgeon in Thailand told me that her driver could speak no word of english and she was kinda at the hotel wondering what to do next. No doubt the Suporn Clinic has probably organized these things slightly better… or at least that’s what I hope.

After getting to the hotel, I should be given some schedule for some checkup and meeting with Dr. Suporn etc. I wonder if last night was the last good sleep for a long time… I’m not expecting to be able to sleep too well in the plane even though it’s a night flight.

The hotel room supposedly comes with internet access so I should be able to post some message once I get there. However, in case it won’t work, it may take a while longer until I post anything here.

Update :)

Wanted to make a small update as I haven’t posted anything for a while. I’m still alive and doing quite well which should explain the lack of posts.

Today I started lowering my HRT dosages as at the end of the next week I’ll have to stop them completely. I’m quite scared of this as I know how much the hormones have helped me feel much better. I wonder if I’ll go back to the depressive state I was in before the HRT… hopefully not. The clinic advised that I should not resume HRT before I return home. I guess it’s understandable but I’m not sure how I’ll be able to handle that.

Anyways only few weeks until the SRS. I’m so excited. Yesterday I also got detailed instructions from Suporn’s clinic for the arrival. Seems like they’ll truly take care of their patients. Definately something I’ll never see around here in Finland.

I’ve probably been quite stressed out or having pms these past few days as today when my computer broke at work, I started crying (kinda embarassing). I hope I’ll have enough time to rest after the surgery.

So now I’ll get to experience just how horrible the hrt break can be… I can hardly wait…

Multi-purpose dress

After having heard lots of good comments and reviews by fashion blogs, I finally decided to get myself the “multi-purpose dress” from American Apparel. The dress is just lovely, and I already tried over 10 different ways to wear it (their homepage lists 15 ways). The fabric was very soft and strechy too.

I got the dress in black but I believe I’m going to get it in aqua as well before going to Thailand. Especially since I most likely won’t be taking too much stuff with me there so I need to choose the clothes carefully. This dress will definately go with me. Not to mention it’s going to be a nice choice for the Christmas parties this year.

We had something horrible happen here in Finland yesterday. Yet another school shooting in less than a year. I’m totally shocked by this and don’t really know if I feel safe enough to go to school. I wish strength to those who may have lost their close ones there.

Planning for ba

During the past week I finally found enough courage and time to contact few of our local plastic surgeons about breast augmentation. It seems that at least 2 private clinics around here are willing to do the implants for a woman with trans background. This was kind of nice news as I had heard rumors that some clinics had stopped doing them because some men had wanted implants and then wanted them removed at later time. Women with trans background are of course totally different gender so it was kinda strange to punish us because of what some perverted guys did.

Anyways because of these nice news, I’ll be contacting one of the clinics again after I have recovered from the srs. I’m guessing it’ll be next spring. That will most likely be the last of the surgeries that I’ll be needing as I am quite happy with my body and face otherwise. Sure I’m no model but not like I was even dreaming on something like that. Being normal and feeling normal is all that I need and want.

Less than 2 months until my srs in Thailand. I’m so excited that I’m having trouble concentrating at work and at other stuff I do. But I guess it’s normal.

Slight update and thinking back

Haven’t written anything for a while as my life has been rather uneventful, and also because I at least temporarily took the daily outfit photos off and thus haven’t been posting new ones. I may put them back at some point but hide my face. This is because of the issue I wrote about earlier but also related to the fact that I’d rather stay more in stealth now.

Anyways, the life’s been good so nothing to complain about. I’m just totally excited about the trip to Thailand, and have already started checking what clothes to take with me. I talked with a friend who said that I should take a swimsuit even though I won’t be going to swim but I may want to stay in the sun. I guess that might be a good idea… although with my too small (nonexistant) bust I’m most likely going to take a bikini with padded triangle top instead. So yea, I’m very excited. Less than two months to go

Now as I think back, my transition has been very quick (going to SRS after 2 years of starting therapy and after around 1 year of hrt), and as my therapist put it, very dramatic (meaning the changes). Not only have my looks totally changed but the people around me have also changed a lot. Even today as I was heading to work in jeans (it was raining and cold and I wanted to wear my new hoodie anyways) something funny happened. My mom started wondering why I was wearing jeans and not a skirt. So I guess that kind of shows there has been a change to better, and a total acceptance… Well not just acceptance but adjusting to the situation.

Even at work it seems like most people are gradually starting to forget about the past. Of course I cannot be sure how much the older people gossip about stuff but I hope they do not out me to the new people. Nobody has so far suddenly started acting different so I’m guessing that not too much rumors go around.

Art night festival in Helsinki

It was the Helsinki art night “festival” yesterday. Basically it’s a night when lots of museums and other places are open for free. Lots of all kinds of other events like live bands, acrobatics etc were also there. I of course decided to go… well not of course but after getting bored of my kinda uneventful life as of late. So I went there with a friend.

We decided to make some plans of the places we wanted to visit, I guess it was a good idea since we actually got to see most of the stuff too. We started by going ti IIVANAHelsinki’s fashion show. Too bad I didn’t have camera with me. The show was very nice and some of the stuff they showed really made me drool. I wonder if I might be able to get a little black dress like the ones they showed there. Most of the knitwear they showed were kinda baggy though… Might need to try something like that on someday.

There was going to be Marimekko’s fashion show too but we got kinda tired of standing, and I needed some fresh air too so we headed to the next place which was Japanese tea ceremony. There was a guy behind a window doing the tea ceremony and then some other guy outside explaining us some history and other stuff about the ceremony. Must say it was kinda nice.

The guide read that there was some living light show from Iittala so we went to check it out. I turned out to be some candles placed near windows and then some people sitting next to them… so I guess the people were what supposedly made it a living light show… geee. We got kinda annoyed about that but then heard some quite nice music and headed towards that only to find ourselves sitting next to an icecream stall and listening to some rather strange band that played quite fast tempo music with some electric violins and such. It was quite nice although I got rather cold there.

That was of course only the beginning of  the night so we headed to a bar where we met 2 friends of my friend and later on my brother and his girlfriend joined us. The probably funniest thing was that I ran into 2 people from my elementary school class in the bar. They probably hadn’t recognized me otherwise but they first spotted my brother and then found me. I also heard there’s some rumors about me going around so yea… I guess everyone knows by now.

From the bar  we headed out to watch some “aerobatics” show which turned out to be somekinda less than 5 minutes long dance. After that the people ran off and said to look up their homepage if anyone got interested. That kinda left the whole audience wonder like “what the heck… was that it”. Obviously it was so we decided to go watch some fire show which my brother’s girlfriend had spotted on the way. The fire show was a lot better though but ended quite soonish as well.

The final stop of the night was a jazz picnic tent where we sat and chatted for an hour, and then a live jazz band started playing which meant my bro wanted to go dancing. I’m not exactly good at dancing and it’s been quite many years since I tried the last time but I must say it was kinda nice… nicer than before transition. Maybe I should do that more often.

I think the whole evening and night went very nicely and will surely participate in the event the next year as well. Although the next time I’m gonna get some more warm clothes with me